The Things We Think About at 4 am

I'm sitting here thinking about all the people in my life that have came and went. Those people who are still a part of my life and will stay in my life for a very long time. I have certain friends that I feel so comfortable talking to about anything and then others that I wouldn't even think about telling them those things. But either set of friends are equally important to me. I guess in this case you could call me two faced, but also I am cautious about their feelings on those certain subjects and respect the fact that they may feel uncomfortable about listening to them. I have certain friends who have came and went and then came back. Those friends are touchy subjects with my parents because the reason they left was my choice because they hurt me. I didn't let them back in until the cut they had caused had either healed or had been dealt with. One of these friends I spent many days going over what happened in my head causing me many sleepless and tearful nights. I realized not until the beginning of this school year that it wasn't completely on them, I  should have thought over what the possibilities could be if this went in the wrong direction, but no since I had been hurt by the person before this person I was about instant gratification instead of long term solutions. I really compare this situation to Rhianna's song "Russian Roulette" because basically what I did was gamble with my well being which was torn to shreds. It was and will not be the last time this will happen I just need to figure out how to deal in a more positive way. I am not using names or genders because its not fair to the other party of the situation. Im realizing that it is almost 5 am now which will render the name of this post obsolete.So I'm thinking i should wrap it up now before I start pulling out the really big words. If any one out there is actually reading this I do appreciate it and I love you for taking time to read this

TTFN Jenny