Random Late Night Thoughts

I know it has been a while since I have written but nothing worth writing has happened to me... I mean yes I have had my tearful nights thinking I had lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. But as it usually happens to me their phone had been broken or they had been busy, I seriously miss being busy. It is dangerous for me to be alone with my thoughts. I have this thing were I always blow things WAY out of proportion.... it has gotten me in a lot of before and the other issue is... I NEVER LEARN! You would think after the 30th time of someone telling me that their phone broke or they lost it and thats why they didnt reply. The reasons for why even on the 30th time, is because I have had it were someone just randomly stops texting me without reason. Now I am not saying I am the kind of girl who lets someone not talking to me get me down, its just annoying, its like have at least enough respect to tell me youve found someone else or you got bored with me. I am not a China Doll that will break at the slightest thing. Maybe I would have in my past but those who truly know me know that I have become way stronger from the situations I have been in. I grew up in a Catholic family with church every Sunday but on top of that I grew up with the most amazing people who shared the same faith as me. If you are going to survive in this vicious world we live in you need to have people behind you that you can go to when the going gets rough. No one can survive on their own no matter what anyone says. So as the title says random late night thoughts always seem to be the reason someone thinks of starting a blog, the only problem is when you think of writing a blog the millions of ideas you had are all gone in the morning. I think I will add in my ideal man...... Oh there is one out there.. well maybe not for me. I have many males that I would see as my ideal man.. Time for a list!! YAY!!!

• Ryan Sheckler: Is athletic(always a plus!), cute, has a good charity, attractive(not that looks matter all the time), has my dream car haha, has goals and has proven he can achieve them, met him once already so thats an added element :D
• Ryan Gosling: Need I say more? 
• Bill Skarasgard: Absolutely stunning! He basically is the kind of man who's looks are odd but still so alluring, his acting in Hemlock Grove was absolutely incredible! Im getting off track here but he blew me away! 
• Justin Bieber: The Hair
• Eminem: The inability to age, he raps about life not what girl he got with or what person he shot, his music can hit home for anyone no matter what area of life they are in. I am a 19 yr old suburban girl and his lyrics reach my heart, he attractive which helps
• Adrian Peterson: The muscles, the heart he has for what he loves, the passion for what he loves to do, the complete lack of knowing or really caring what record he broke or was close to breaking. 

Well thats all I really want to write about tonight/this morning... So good night, evening, or morning to anyone who reads this I thank you all! 

TTFN My Lovelys! 

Why Do We Do the Things We Do....

I have a slight confession to make... I am a huge fan of rap but never admitted it because I was afraid that I would have been judged as only liking rap because of some guy I was currently crushing on but the truth is... that is not the case. I am a fan of the rap that has that message that wants you to just stand up and tell those who are going through the exact same thing that it does get better. Since I am guessing no one really reads this I can admit everything that has happened in my life that qualifies me to be able to say that it truly does get better. I am for sure not using the using saying "It gets better" to admit that I am not for guys, well I am. What I also am is someone who was teased relentlessly through out all of my grade school years. I was always the biggest girl and I dont mean height wise. By 4th grade I went from being in the 3rd row for concerts to the floor as everyone surpassed me for height. I was also a bit overweight for my age, I do recall one time when I told a supposed friend of mine my weight next thing I knew my entire grade of 50 something plus the other grade out with us at recess knew my weight, needless to say that is what started the many years following of self esteem issues and self loathing. I also remember my 8th grade year because I didnt spend a single lunch that year with people from my grade.. because of she said, she said. I will admit this as a girl myself.... GIRLS ARE NASTY!! I have said this many times because I truly believe this. So basically I put it this way... If guys get into an fight or mad at each other over something they will just punch each other and then pick each other up. Girls dont have as nice of a problem solving system... Basically if one girl is mad at another girl, she will not tell her! If she is mad then she will be as nice as possible to see if the girl has any idea that her friend is mad at her, if she does not pick up on the being madness then the mad girl sits with the hate and disgust stewing in her head until it is so full of her anger, she really will flip her lid! It doesnt make any sense to me the way people talk about other people, wouldnt it solve the problem to not think or speak about the person? I mean think of it this way... lets say you dont like the person because of how popular they are but they are a bully... well if you talk about that person then the person you told goes and tells the next person and so on and so forth. Well it seems as if my sleeping pill is kicking in so I will end this now before it goes in a direction that is not going to end up well. 

TTFN Jenny 

It Paid Off... For Once

So admitting that I didn't want to be that girl who texts the guy until he answers actually helped in my situation.I just really hope he doesnt end up reading this or our next conversation may be a little awkward. I will also admit that I am that girl who, if asked by her significant other, would go make a sandwich for them if asked. But thankfully this one doesn't seem like that type of guy... at least not yet. Now I will state that we arent exactly together but we are also not just friends at least I dont think we are JUST friends. There is a point where that question can be asked but it is not a good time to ask that question, or as stated in Awkward DTR( define the relationship). You dont want to do that too quickly because you also dont want to be that girl that makes the guy wonder why you wanna be in a relationship so quickly. You dont want to be thought of as the girl who cant be without a relationship making you very dependent on other people... not attractive! I am not a guy but I know most guys dont like to feel like they have to take care of the girl 24/7 or feel like they have to tiptoe around her so that he doesnt set off the emotional bomb ticking inside her. Now I may not have as much experience with guys as some people but I do have this little thing called common sense which a lot of people seem to be lacking these days. I mean I am friends with a lot of guys so I hear things from them and actually listen to what they like and dont like. Girls seriously stop acting like a ditz to get a guy its not cute, and if thats the kind of guy you are going for that goes for a girl who he cant have an intelligent conversation with it means he doesnt think what you have to say is worth hearing it or to him you are just his little trophy to show off to his guy friends who didnt think he could actually get a girl. By the way if that is the kind of guy you are going for I dont want to hear you complain about wanting a man! A man isn't going to treat you like a play toy, thats is something little boys do.. they play with toys. A man knows the worth of what he has, for the most part. A man isnt going to insult you in front of his buddies just to get a laugh. A man isnt going to expect things from you but ask if thats what you would like to do. But enough of my tired rant I think its time for me to go to bed.

TTFN Jenny

And Once Again I am That Girl...

I did it I texted him when I thought it would be an appropriate time.... it wasnt he told me he was at work and then didnt text me back at all. I didnt want to be that clingy girl and i haven't gotten clingy yet and i hope i wont become clingy because in all honesty he is the guy who i need. I dont wanna be that girl has to be texting the guy 24/7 I mean I went basically this entire day without texting him and that seemed to be ok but now I don't know what to do. I have been the desperate girl and it has driven so many guys away... Im trying to change but I dont know how to change because I really cant talk to anyone about whats been going on because the way we met wasnt exactly conventional.. or really seen as a good thing by my family or friends. I guess this should work if only I could get some answers, but for now i will go with my gut which did help kind of today since he did answer after only texting him once today/yesterday. My plan for tomorrow will be to not text him until he texts me, because if he is really worth it he will text me... right? Well I should really get some sleep since I have been pretty sick lately and all the late nights really havent been helping with the whole getting better thing. Once again if anyone has any comments or suggestions or tid bits of wisdom they are greatly appreciated.

TTFN Jenny

Theres Always That One

Theres always that one guy who you don't want to screw up with. Well I happen to have that guy right now, well I don't have him yet but hopefully will. Only problem is he is always busy and I don't want to be that girl who always texts him and texts him multiple times to see if hes not busy.. but at the same time I don't want to be that girl who doesn't text him and makes him think I'm not interested..every time I pick up my phone I want to text him but i have been good and haven't done that yet because he told me Saturdays are busy for him. Hes basically perfect for me but we only just met and I don't want to come on to strong... Ugh I have no idea what to do. If anyone out there reading this has an suggestions or ideas they would be greatly appreciated! And if I don't get any answers back I guess i will just wait and see what happens. Unfortunately he seems like that kind of guy who could get any girl he wants.. which the exact guy I go for. I guess for now I will just continue with my plan of not texting him at all today or maybe I will wait for him to text me... but then I also run into the issue of him moving on which I really don't want to happen, I wish we were back in the day when guys stuck to one girl and didn't play it cool and act like they could like you but don't act like it.. basically I wish that neither gender played games. That's what causes the most problems in life today is people who play games or play with peoples emotions. Its really not fair because you never really get to know the person if all you see is the reactions to the stupid game you play. I guess thats all that Im going to write about today since its kind of taken up my whole thinking and I have a pretty bad cold so really my head can only hold on idea. Thank you in advance if anyone wants to comment or suggest ideas to me.

TTFN Jenny

The Things We Think About at 4 am

I'm sitting here thinking about all the people in my life that have came and went. Those people who are still a part of my life and will stay in my life for a very long time. I have certain friends that I feel so comfortable talking to about anything and then others that I wouldn't even think about telling them those things. But either set of friends are equally important to me. I guess in this case you could call me two faced, but also I am cautious about their feelings on those certain subjects and respect the fact that they may feel uncomfortable about listening to them. I have certain friends who have came and went and then came back. Those friends are touchy subjects with my parents because the reason they left was my choice because they hurt me. I didn't let them back in until the cut they had caused had either healed or had been dealt with. One of these friends I spent many days going over what happened in my head causing me many sleepless and tearful nights. I realized not until the beginning of this school year that it wasn't completely on them, I  should have thought over what the possibilities could be if this went in the wrong direction, but no since I had been hurt by the person before this person I was about instant gratification instead of long term solutions. I really compare this situation to Rhianna's song "Russian Roulette" because basically what I did was gamble with my well being which was torn to shreds. It was and will not be the last time this will happen I just need to figure out how to deal in a more positive way. I am not using names or genders because its not fair to the other party of the situation. Im realizing that it is almost 5 am now which will render the name of this post obsolete.So I'm thinking i should wrap it up now before I start pulling out the really big words. If any one out there is actually reading this I do appreciate it and I love you for taking time to read this

TTFN Jenny

Life At 1am

I sit here at 1 am thinking about what I can do to keep myself from dying of boredom. What is my solution you may ask? Well my good friend, it is to watch Knocked Up.. yea I know living it big. But unfortunately where I live its not polite to be up at 1 am possibly making noise that could wake the rest the residence. So when bored what do 19 year old people do? That have no where else to be on a Sunday/Monday night/day, watch a movie! I've seen all the movies in my dvd collection which consists of chick flicks and The Big Bang Theory seasons 1 and 2 (which by the way is my all time favorite show!). So basically saying I needed something new that I couldn't quote because I had seen it one too many times. No watching TBBT does not make me a nerd because I am not a nerd and I am so proud of that! My family on the other hand sometimes wonders if I wasn't born at home there could be a possibility of  being switched and belonging to another family. My mother always casually brings up that a police officer did take me away when they first got to the hospital putting doubts back in whether or not I am really a blood member of my family, then my dad coming to my rescue brings up how much I look like my aunt. Now see this is what I am talking about when I say I am different than my family... I wouldnt get mad if my tv was interrupted by a sports game, I have had NCAA brackets in the past, I was a fan of The Jersey Shore (mostly because of Pauly D), and I am a huge fan of the Minnesota Vikings!!( no hating) I may seem like a girly girl to people on the outside but really I know more about sports and somethings about cars than most guys do... which makes me an interesting person to talk to, so I've been told.
But I will be the first to admit that I am proud to be the normal one in my family because that means that I am sticking to who I am and not trying to change myself to fit in. Lately I have been pointing out to my family how good it is that my older sister and I are not twins.
REASONS WHY

• We arent twins yet we say things together at the same time
• We think the same thing at the same time
• We know exactly what the other one is talking about when explaining things. 

My mother once described her daughters, being my sister and i, as having a Leather Girl and a Girly Girl. If you havent already guessed the girly girl is me.